Fontainebleau Luxury: Belle Fontainebleau Hotel Awaits!
Fontainebleau Luxury: Belle Fontainebleau Hotel Awaits! - A Whirlwind of Wet Cocktails, Sanitizer, and… Was That a Floating Salad?
Okay, buckle up buttercups, because I just returned from the Fontainebleau Luxury: Belle Fontainebleau Hotel, and let me tell you, it was a ride. Forget polished travel brochures; you’re getting the raw, unfiltered truth. Prepare yourself for a rollercoaster of champagne dreams, questionable poolside snacks, and enough hand sanitizer to sterilize a small hospital. Seriously, this place is obsessed with cleanliness.
Accessibility: Check (Mostly…ish?)
Right off the bat, let's talk accessibility. The website says they have facilities for disabled guests, and, well, they do. There's an elevator, which is a massive win. Getting in was a breeze, but navigating the seemingly endless hallways? Let's just say I clocked in a decent amount of daily steps… and I’m pretty sure I saw a family attempting to navigate the sprawling property in a motorized scooter. So, accessible? Technically, yes. Consider it a marathon of maneuvering.
On-Site Dining: A Culinary Odyssey (Sometimes a Disaster)
First impressions? The sheer variety of eating and drinking options is… dizzying. They've got the whole gamut: restaurants, bars, a poolside bar (essential!), a coffee shop, even a snack bar. The promise of Asian breakfasts, international cuisine, and a vegetarian restaurant had my stomach rumbling in anticipation.
- The Good: The 24-hour room service was a lifesaver after one too many sunset cocktails. The buffet in the restaurant was epic (if a little overwhelming), and the complimentary bottle(s) of water in the room were a godsend. The Happy Hour was an absolute steal - those cocktails are potent!
- The… Less Good: Okay, so the "Asian Breakfast" was… interesting. Think scrambled eggs beside seaweed. The presentation was exquisite; the taste? Well, let's just say I stuck to the Western breakfast on day 2. There was also that one time I ordered a salad at the poolside bar, and I swear, it floated past me on a tray for like, five minutes before I finally snagged it. A culinary mystery, truly. And honestly, the "salad in restaurant" didn't save it, it felt like a afterthought . Like someone said "oh, lets add a salad"
Cleanliness and Safety: Are We in a Sterile Bubble?
Okay, let's dive deep into the germ-warfare aspect of this place. Anti-viral cleaning products? Check. Daily disinfection in common areas? Check. Hand sanitizer dispensers strategically placed like tiny, plastic sentinels all around? Double-check. The staff are so well-trained in safety protocols that they practically flinch if you cough. This level of cleanliness borders on… paranoia? Perhaps. Appreciated? Absolutely. I felt safer here than in my own apartment (sorry, cleaning lady!). The room sanitization opt-out available is a nice touch, though… I didn't dare! Honestly, with so much cleaning and equipment, I'd feel like I was in a sci-fi movie.
Things to Do: Poolside Bliss, Spa Dreams, and… the Gym?
Oh, the things to do! Swimming pool? Check. Outdoor pool with a view? Double-check. The pool area is where it's at. Sipping cocktails poolside while watching the world go by? Pure bliss.
- The Spa: Okay, the spa was the pièce de résistance. I indulged in a body scrub and a massage. Seriously, the massage therapist was magic - I think I actually levitated for a minute. Spa/Sauna, steamroom, sauna, pool with a view? Check, check, check, and check! It was the perfect antidote to the jet lag and overindulgence.
- The Fitness Center (and my Fail): I attempted to go to the fitness center/Gym. The gym was well-equipped, but after the massage, I couldn't be bothered. The thought of working out was so much better than the reality. Perhaps next time!
Rooms and Amenities: Glamour and Gadgets
The rooms themselves? Luxurious, darling, luxurious. My room had air conditioning, a desk (I ignored, I was on vacation!), an in-room safe box, and, of course, free Wi-Fi. The blackout curtains were a lifesaver for those late-night/early-morning escapades. The bed felt like clouds, and the bathrobes… oh, the bathrobes. I practically lived in them. The complimentary tea and coffee maker were perfect for those mornings where I needed to be woken up and didn't want to leave my room. The additional toilet was a luxury I never understood.
Services and Conveniences: From Concierge to… Currency Exchange?
The concierge was incredibly helpful, the daily housekeeping service was impeccable. The currency exchange came in handy. Cash withdrawal was available. The convenience store was super helpful for the last minute snacks.
For the Kids (and the Kid in Us)
While I didn't travel with any youngsters, the hotel seemed remarkably family-friendly. They have babysitting services, kids facilities, and a kids meal.
Getting Around: Smooth Rides and Hidden Treasures
Airport transfer? Check. Taxi service? Check. I didn't use either, mostly because the thought of more travel was exhausting. The car park [free of charge] was a bonus, but getting around the property itself was a bit of a puzzle.
The Imperfections…
Look, no hotel is perfect, no matter how much those brochure promises. Here are a few minor bumps in the road, I'm not a fan of the non-smoking rooms and smoking area.
Final Verdict: Worth the Splurge (If You Love Cleanliness!)
Would I recommend the Fontainebleau Luxury? Absolutely. If you're looking for a luxurious escape with top-notch amenities, a focus on cleanliness, and enough food and drink options to make your head spin, this is your place. Just be prepared for a marathon of sanitizing and a few culinary surprises! And remember-- that floating salad? Still thinking about it.
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- Title: Fontainebleau Luxury Review: Belle Fontainebleau Hotel - The Good, The Bad, and the Floating Salad!
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- Meta Description: A brutally honest and hilarious review of the Fontainebleau Luxury: Belle Fontainebleau in Miami! Dive into the world of cocktails, cleanliness, and questionable poolside salads. Find out if this luxury hotel lives up to the hype! Accessibility, dining, spa, and more.
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Hotel Belle Fontainebleau: A Diary of Delight (and Discombobulation)
Okay, okay, here we go. Trying to be organized. Which, let's be honest, is a constant battle for me. This little trip to the legendary Fontainebleau, to hunker down at the Hotel Belle Fontainebleau… sounds idyllic, right? Predictably, reality's already got a few little gremlins in the works.
Day 1: Arrival, Aspirations, and a Run-In with a Stubborn Door
14:00 - Arrive in Fontainebleau, Check-In: The train ride was…eventful. Let's just say the French are very passionate about their pastry. And loud conversations. Which is charming, until you've had three hours of it and your head feels like a baguette is tap-dancing inside. Finally, Fontainebleau! The Hotel Belle… smack I swear to god, the door! It's like a toddler who won't go to bed. Needed a shove, a muttered French curse (sorry, Mom!), and finally, YES. Inside. The reception is lovely, the staff… well, they’re French. Which means, you know, a touch of imperiousness, a dash of charm, and the feeling you might accidentally insult them if you pronounce "croissant" wrong. My room? Charming, with a view. Of the back alley. Still, it's got character!
15:00 - Room Exploration & Initial Panic: Let's be honest, the first thing I do in a hotel room is dismantle the bedspread. It's a ritual. After that, full-on investigation. Found the minibar - score! Tried to check for wifi, failed. The whole thing is a bit…French. I swear to god, the internet in Europe will drive me mad. I’ll fix the router later. I vow you, to fix it!
16:00 - Wandering & Getting Lost (The Prelude to Greatness): Off to explore the town! The palace looms. It's HUGE. Like, Versailles-levels huge. I set a timer for exactly 90 minutes, and said to myself "Go" Then, I promptly got lost within the first five minutes. Fontainebleau is beautiful, mind you. Cobblestones, flower boxes spilling over with colour, the smell of… well, I'm pretty sure someone's baking bread somewhere. I did, however, find a charming little patisserie. The pain au chocolat was a religious experience.
17:30 - Palace Glimpses & a Near-Disaster with a Fountain: Okay, I finally made it near the palace. It's majestic! I tried to get a photo. Almost fell into a fountain. Grace, ladies and gentlemen, I have it in spades.
19:00 - Dinner at "Le Petit Bistrot" (A Questionable Choice): Consulted TripAdvisor. Big mistake. Le Petit Bistrot was… well, "petit." And the service, let's say, was leisurely. The boeuf bourguignon was… edible. The wine, however, was glorious. Saved the entire evening.
21:00 - Attempted Wifi Connection (Failed): Back at the hotel. Spent a solid hour wrestling with the router. It hates me. Gave up, feeling victorious. I need a glass of wine and a good book. My brain is fried.
Day 2: The Palace, The Forest, and the Pursuit of Perfect Photos (And a Near Existential Crisis)
09:00 - Breakfast (Finally, Chocolate Croissants!): I'm pretty sure I've consumed enough butter and chocolate to feed a small village. The breakfast buffet is… adequate. But those croissants! swoon. The coffee is strong, the air is crisp, and I feel…almost energized.
10:00 - Palace Deep Dive: (The Emotional Rollercoaster): Right. The Palace. This is the thing, right? Took a deep breath. Prepared to spend more than the 90 minutes this time. The place is absolutely breathtaking. The Hall of Mirrors is as epic as, as whatever is the most epic thing you can think of! I cried a little. Seriously. Then the art, the furniture… the history! Seriously, I almost wished I'd studied art history in college. The tour guides are amazing!
12:00 - Post-Palace Meltdown (and Recovery): Hit a wall. Too much beauty! Too much history! My brain started to short-circuit. Needed air. Needed chocolate. Needed a nap. Found both: a bench in the gardens, some dark chocolate squares, and a moment of blissful nothingness.
14:00 - Forest of Fontainebleau: (The "Finding Inner Peace" Act): Okay, the forest. Supposedly the place. Supposedly perfect for hiking and getting in touch with nature. I tried. Got lost. Again. Stumbled upon a clearing with the most beautiful sunlight dappling through the trees. Tried to take a photo. Failed. Again. But the feeling… it was… quiet. I think I even smiled. Okay, I smiled, and it wasn’t forced.
16:00 - Return to Town & The Art of People Watching: Saw a lovely little shop with artisanal products. I bought a wooden carving of a squirrel. Don’t ask. People-watching at a cafe. The French are the BEST people-watchers.
19:00 - Dinner Attempts & Pizza: Tried to make a reservation at the fancy restaurant. No luck. Ended up at…a pizza place. Don’t judge. Pizza is universal. The pizza was surprisingly good! And the wine? Don’t even get me started, it was amazing.
21:00 - Book and Bed: Woke up at 23:00. Went back to sleep. It’s my vacation.
Day 3: The Castle, The Market, and the Goodbye Embrace (Maybe?)
09:00 - Breakfast (Deja Vu): More croissants. Am I addicted? Maybe.
10:00 - A Second Attempt at the Palace: It's a good thing!
12:00 - Shopping Spree & Market Mayhem: Found the market! Flowers, cheeses, a sea of deliciousness. This is when I go crazy. I mean, I buy too much, spend too much. I am that lady. Brought home a bag of smelly cheese. Worth it.
14:00 - Fond Farewells & Departure (Sort of): Said goodbye to the stubborn door. The hotel…well, it grew on me. Fontainebleau… it's a place that makes you feel something… even when you’re lost and slightly discombobulated and covered in crumbs. But I left the hotel. I made it to the train… but then found that my ticket was invalid.
15:00 - Back to Square One: Back to the hotel!
19:00 - Dinner (Reunion): Back at Le Petit Bistrot. It was terrible. Went home.
21:00 - Book and Bed: Still didn’t fix that internet. I'll fix that later. Or not. Tomorrow is another day, right?
Oh. My. God. Fontainebleau? Seriously? Let's Talk!
Okay, so Fontainebleau... is it *really* as ridiculously glamorous as it looks in the movies?
Alright, look. Let's be real. You see those pictures? The sparkling pools, the perfect tans, the flowing gowns? Yes. And NO. It's...more. It's a sensory overload. I walked in and felt like I'd been mainlined glitter and good vibes. But like, a *really* expensive kind of glitter. It's glamorous, sure. Think Vegas, but with slightly better taste (debatable, honestly). The lobby? Massive. Chandeliers? Bigger. Like, they could probably house a small family in one of those bad boys.
My initial reaction? Utter disbelief. I'd seen it in *Scarface* (duh), and now I was *actually* there. Did I feel like a movie star? No, more like a slightly-overdressed tourist who accidentally wandered onto a set. But a damn *good* set. The air is thick with the scent of… something expensive. Probably money. And maybe a hint of chlorine.
What about the rooms? Are they worth the price tag? Because, let's face it, they're not cheap.
Okay, the room thing. Here's the tea. The room was… lovely. Very, very lovely. Modern, clean, views to die for (ocean view, obviously, because *duh*). But... the price? That's where my bank account started weeping softly.
I'm talking *mortgage payment* levels of weeping. Look, you're paying for the *experience*. The history! The… *feeling* of being fancy. The bed? Divine. Seriously, I could have slept there forever. The bathroom? Marble. White. Gleaming. So clean, I actually felt *guilty* using it. Which, honestly, is a problem. I'm not used to feeling that level of guilt over a shower.
Is it *worth* it? That depends on your tolerance for lavish spending and your willingness to sacrifice eating for a few weeks to cover the bill. If you're on a budget, maybe consider a smaller room. Or, you know, just don't eat. That's what I considered for a while.
The pools! What's the pool situation *really* like? Is it as epic as the pictures?
Oh, the pools. The pools are a *scene*. Honestly, the pictures don't lie. They're huge. Gorgeous. Filled with people who somehow look effortlessly fabulous, even when they're just, you know, trying to *swim*. I swear, half the fun is just people-watching.
They're like a fashion show, but in swimwear. And the music? Boom, boom, boom. Very Miami. Very energetic. I personally, I had a bit of a mortifying experience that I'll never forget. One minute, I'm basking in the sun, sipping a ridiculous cocktail with a tiny umbrella. The next? SPLASH! I was wearing a *terrible* bathing suit (don't judge, I'd been budget-shopping pre-Fontainebleau!), and I did a full-on belly flop directly in front of a group of, like, Insta-famous influencers. I'm pretty sure my face turned the same shade as the ridiculously bright pink flamingo floaty I'd stolen – I mean, *borrowed* – from the pool earlier.
I was mortified. Absolutely mortified. I wanted to sink into the ocean myself and never come back. But then, you know what? I laughed. Because, honestly, what else could I do? And the weirdest thing? They didn't even bat an eye. Apparently, embarrassing yourself at Fontainebleau is just part of the experience. So, yeah. The pools are epic, but be prepared for the possibility of public humiliation. And maybe skip the cheap bathing suit. Seriously. Learn from my mistakes.
Food and Drinks, tell me everything! Which restaurants are a total MUST?
Alright, buckle up, food coma incoming. The dining situation? Overwhelming, in the best way possible. Choices, choices, CHOICES! And, yes, pricey. Expect your credit card to do a little dance of sadness. However, I'm a sucker for a good meal. Here's the lowdown:
Hakkasan: Okay, this is a must. Dim sum heaven. Beautiful atmosphere, and the food? Absolutely divine. My taste buds were having a party. Be prepared to fight for a reservation, though. Book ahead. Seriously, do it now.
STK: Steakhouse vibes. Juicy steaks, fancy sides, and a lively atmosphere. If you're feeling fancy and carnivorous, go for it. I may or may not have over-ordered and eaten enough to feel like I could burst, but it was worth it! They also have a fantastic bar, a great place to meet new people.
The rest: Well, the other restaurants are all great, too. I'm not going to bore you listing everything. My tip? Explore! Be adventurous! But, again, make those reservations! Also, the drinks? Expensive but expertly crafted, and you're on vacation, right?!
What's the vibe like? Is it pretentious or genuinely fun?
It's… complicated. There's definitely an element of, shall we say, *show*. People are trying *very* hard to look good. But beneath the surface? It was surprisingly fun. Look, everyone there is on vacation, or at least *pretending* to be. So, there's a general feeling of relaxation and hedonism in the air.
The staff? Mostly great. Friendly, helpful, and surprisingly patient, considering the type of guests they're probably dealing with on a daily basis. There are definitely moments of pretension, but I found most people there were just trying to have a good time. Some were also actively trying to impress others, so watch and laugh. You might even make some friends, I did. I did make a friend who was convinced she was a spy. That was an interesting conversation.
Are there any hidden costs or things I should know about before I go?
Oh, honey, yes. Hidden costs? They lurk everywhere. Like, a shadow that follows your wallet. Valet parking? Expensive. Resort fees? A punch in the face. Drinks at the pool? Prepare to wince. The mini-bar? Consider it forbidden territory.
Also, be prepared for crowds. It's a popular place, so expect to share the pool, the elevators, and the general space with a lot of other people. Also, if you're going to be doing activities. The spa, the shopping... they're there, and they are expensive. Factor in tips. Lots and lots of tips. And, if you're like me, the temptation to buy things you don't need because you're suddenly living in a movie is very real. Budget! Seriously. I didn't, and I'm still paying for it.
Pro tip: Bring your own water and snacks. AndHotel Radar Map
